


Feel it now, Babylon

by Ex-Genesis (orphan_account)



Category: Disney RPF
Genre: Angst, Incest, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-06-26
Updated: 2010-06-26
Packaged: 2017-11-12 15:52:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/492963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Ex-Genesis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Babylon" by David Gray</p>
            </blockquote>





	Feel it now, Babylon

To tell the difference between the way they said 'I love you' as brothers, or as something more had become incredibly difficult over the years. Nothing ever changed between them, exactly, but at some point they started to recognize their feelings for what they were, and so the change began, slowly. Just the softest differences in tone and inflection signaled the metamorphosis. Finally the change was complete [rather, finally one of them let it be], however, that Thursday night when Joe had followed Nick back into his hotel room trying to explain in a quiet but frantic voice that it was just a  _thing, a fling_ , and that nothing  _really_  happened. That he  _loved_  Nick. The silence in return had eventually chased Joe out of the room.  
  
When usually with so much built up in Nick's mind, he couldn't even begin to consider sleep as a possibility, that night had been different. The moment he brought his knees into his stomach, one arm falling asleep beneath his head, and the cushion of the pillow, his other arm laying limp cascading over his side to the wrinkled sheets that covered his bed, he slept deep and easy. There was no revealing dream to be had, no message sent to him from God, nothing but an uninterrupted black expanse.  
  
The next morning he was woken up by suffocation, face buried in his pillow sinking too deep to allow in the air molecules pooling around his head where the cloth didn't meet his skin. Lifting up quickly, using his elbows to prop himself up, he fell back to the warm pillow right away, arm completely asleep from having laid on it throughout the night but he was able to turn his head just before he made contact, breathing in deep, shuddering out a breath in exchange for more oxygen. A few moments later everything from the night before, from his life before that moment entered his mind, and he felt like he was swimming through a murky lake trying to find keys lost along the way.  
  
Everything slowing down as he waded through his thoughts, Nick felt as if everything had come to some sort of stop; he called the director feigning illness in order to stay in his room alone to think. He didn't take work lightly, nor lying lightly, but it was something he needed. He spent the whole day digesting everything that he was being forced to come to terms with. That night was a mixture of restlessness and broken dreams.  
  
Saturday morning he woke up breathing, thankful for that much of a better start when suddenly he felt like there wasn't enough time in the world. He had woken up late, not having remembered to set his alarm clock the night before, going to bed without a real answer in his head. It seemed though, as soon as his eyes had opened, that he needed to tell Joe, tell him everything he felt, that he was scared, that he wasn't sure what would happen, that he couldn't stand to see Joe cover what they had up with girls, with dates that would turn his stomach into a volatile pit of jealousy. That he loved him still the same...  
  
Arriving on set, he found the director as soon as possible, apologizing quickly to anyone he ran into in between. When he reached Matthew sitting at a table discussing something with the writers, he waited patiently for an annoyed acknowledgment and apologized profusely. After about the tenth time the word 'sorry' had been breathed out, Matt held up his hand, putting it to a stop and nodding his head. "You were sick yesterday, and your brothers aren't here anyway. We couldn't have done the scenes this morning that we wanted to anyway. But I see you're feeling - mostly better now, so do you think you could film some of your scenes today before we waste light?"  
  
Nodding, Nick wasn't really concentrating on what he was agreeing to, focused on the fact that Kevin and particularly, Joe were gone. "Sir, sorry, Matt, where - Where did they go, do you know?" He shook his head a little; of course the director would know where they were. Unfortunately, his logic didn't stand as Matthew's shoulders slumped a little and he sighed deeply, looking up at Nick again, agitation creasing around his eyes.  
  
"I'm afraid I don't. They're adults and when Kevin explained to me that Joe needed a break - well, I may be able to demand a reason with the contracts, but I'm not that kind of person. If an adult says they have something they have to do, then I trust they have to do it... No questions asked. I know that Kevin said Joe was leaving his phone behind, but I did ask Kevin to keep his. He said of course - of course," Matt said a little bit of a strained laugh tagging along at the end. "I haven't called him. It's only been about twelve hours, I'd say, but - I highly doubt he even kept it on. Demi tried earlier, I know, to check up on them, and she keeps looking over at me like she has no idea - so I don't think that she's had any luck. Feel free to take five to talk to her, but I really need you in this today, okay?" Matt asked, pulling for some reassurance that this movie wasn't going to hell.  
  
Nodding again, Nick gave the most encouraging smile he could manage, more of a grimace, before jogging over to Demi and pulling her into a hug he couldn't help but need. She seemed to struggle with the idea of it for a moment before putting her hands against Nick's back and rubbing softly in soothing circles. "Hey. Hey..." she said quietly into his ear, holding him a little bit tighter. "They're okay, you know. They're good. They're good at taking care of themselves." Nick snorted at that even though his eyes were stinging a little, knowing he'd pushed Joe away, away so far he didn't even know how to find him, where to begin to look. "Kevin's with him, so that's one good thing. He's less likely to get hurt that way," she said knowingly, a hint of a smile in her tone, but he could tell she was worried too. "I'm sure they'll be back soon." It was a flat-out lie, and he heard that in her tone too.  
  
After stumbling over lines he'd had memorized for weeks, half-hearted pats on the back, a measly lunch and dinner, and a shot of insulin, he was practically dragging himself up to his room, passing Joe's first, giving a knock and listening carefully to the silence that followed, doing the same to Kevin's room just in case, before falling into bed in his work clothes and closing his heavy eyes to the world that had moved so fast without him that he'd lost track of everything important to him, let it all get ahead of him like he'd hit fast forward and then lost the remote.  
  
When Sunday morning arrived, he woke up on time just to get ready and find a note on his door saying filming had been canceled until Monday, the 'hopefully' invisible, but felt by all. Nick had slumped back against his door closing his eyes before hearing another door open from around the corner and down the hall. Before anyone could catch him to ask him questions, or try to get inside his head, he made his way to the elevator, taking it down to the lobby. He didn't know where he was going but as he walked out the door the cool, fall air bit at his exposed skin, and he hugged himself tighter, the way he would have hugged Joe had he been there, because Joe was always colder than himself.  
  
At some point Nick had found a park where leaves were rolling across the grass, trapped in the wind. He'd kicked at them for hours as he walked circles, pausing to sit at benches, to swing idly on the swing set for hours until his nose was bright red and his eyes were brimming with tears he'd never let fall. His skin ached as he walked back to the hotel, but only a dull pain until the warmth hit the cold that clung to him, and began to burn it's way inside of him. In the lobby he met Demi who still had that look of worry etched onto her face. When she held the elevator door for him, he shook his head, pointing at the staircase, and she nodded in understanding, letting the door close.  
  
Nick sighed as he took another step upward, turning the corner onto a connecting stair, larger, made for passing traffic and stability as the staircase ascended. Looking up he paused immediately seeing Joe, taking him in, seeing Joe's smile. After a moment of nothing, Joe opened his mouth to speak but Nick was too quick as he stepped the few feet over to his older brother, holding his face in one hand as he brought their lips together in a short kiss before pulling away and asking worried and frustrated, "Where  _were_  you...?"  
  
Knowing, now, that it would be okay, Joe kissed Nick once before pulling back again a little to answer him, face more serious but unable to stop smiling at least a little. "I'm sorry... I needed to - When you didn't even come to set the next day -" Joe's lips pursed a little in thought before he continued, stepping more into Nick's space, wrapping a hand around the back of his little brother's neck, bringing their faces close together. Eyes closed he continued, "You made me think I had it all wrong, and i just had to figure that out. I had to figure out what I had misinterpreted because I didn't want to - keep thinking that you were going to be... I just thought I was wrong; I needed out. Kevin took me just to a suburb and we stayed over in a motel over there." Joe breathed in a little and Nick readjusted their faces so he could kiss Joe again sensing there was more to be said, encouraging Joe to continue while he was still willing to listen since he had a lot to say himself.  
  
"I don't know, Nicky. I just told him everything. He was quiet, just like you, forever, Nick... Just forever. I guess I didn't have to leave then because it wasn't like he was - not like he was you or anything so it mattered, and I kind of left the room for a while, but it  _didn't_  matter at the same time - anyway, when I came back he was asleep so I just went to bed and when I woke up this morning I was going to ask him to forget it, what he could. Instead he just kind of - I don't know... I wish you were there because you read him different than I do. He brought me breakfast from the lobby though, and he just seemed - okay. After a little while he asked me what I wanted to do. I said I wanted to stay for another day or so, so when he turned his phone back on to call Matt to let him know, he saw all of your messages. I guess I just knew, then, so we came back. And..." he trailed off, pulling Nick from their half-embrace into a real hug. "Demi said you were headed up this way so I thought I'd meet you part way. Nick, I'm sorry I left you like that, but honestly, I wasn't really sure you'd care all that much."  
  
Sighing, still frustrated from all the fear, the anxiety he'd gone through the day before, the resignation today, Nick made it so that he could look Joe in the eyes. "Of course I did... You had it all right. I was just scared... I wasn't really - sure I was ready for what everyone will say and I didn't like that I was jealous. I don't want to spend the rest of my life being jealous every time you're - I guess that I'm... I love you, Joe. I think I'm ready. I don't care if no one understands us, or this. I love you." Nick barely heard Joe whisper it softly against his lips, feeling it more than anything, before they kissed sweetly again.


End file.
